Seperation and Divorce

  

As Christians were are taught to never break a vow. If you make a covenant with someone in marriage, then you must keep it not matter what, "for richer or poor," and "in sickness and health." However, the Law of Moses and the Teaching of Jesus Christ does have guidelines for acceptable oath breaking. In Leviticus, Moshe states that a woman can divorce her husband if he "commits adultery or breats her." It also states that if a husband is caught abusing his wife, he is to be dragged out by the community and stoned to death.

Jesus then says for men it is only acceptable to divorce in the case of adultery: "Haven't you read, that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female and said, for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has brought together let no man put asunder." "Why then, the Pharisees asked, "did Moses say you could write your wife a certificate of divorce and banish her?" Jesus responded, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hardened. But it was not to be this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for adultery  & sexual immorality (abuse isn't mentioned because they knew the Law of Moses), and marries another woman commits adultery with her." (Matthew 19:2-9, Mark 10:2-12). Jesus is talking to the men and he says they cannot divorce their wives unless their wives have committed adultery (sexual immorality, cheating, sex with someone else). Abuse is not mentioned because the Pharisees knew the Law of Moses that if a man beat his wife he was stoned.

Here is what Jesus Christ said in His Sermon on the Mount (Beatitudes) about adultery and divorce:
"You have heard it said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at woman lustfully has already committed adultery in his heart with her." "It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her a victim of adultery, and anyone that marries (such a) divorced woman commit adultery. (Matthew 5:27, 31-32).

It is clear there are acceptable reasons for a union of a husband and wife to be broken. Nowadays I would argue it is acceptable to separate or divorce if the husband is verbally, emotionally, and spiritually abusive; not just physically abusive. Since most traditional brothers and sisters in Christ shudder at divorce, separation is the next best thing. Separation is essentially divorce without the finality or complete breaking of the covenant. It allows for the marriage to be restored is circumstances change.

Another aspect of the covenant between a man and woman in marriage that is important to look at is in Ephesians. In Ephesians is the famous verse women have come to dread, "Now as the Church submits to Christ, so a wife should to her husband." (Ephesians 5:22), However, there are two clauses afterwards that the husband must obey in order to have submissive wife, he must, "Husbands love (and cherish) your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave up his life for her." (Ephesians 5:25). This clause is saying that husbands should so love their wives they are willing to lay down their lives and anything (smoking, drinking, verbal abuse, and any other abusive behavior, and etc) for their wives. The next clause reinforces this, "In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself." (Ephesians 5:28). Wives likewise in verses 23-27 are expected to stay faithful, pure, and true to their husbands. But the point is a husband is to be responsible and Christ like to his wife and a husband that is abusive in any form has broken covenant according these verses.

I believe separation or divorce is acceptable when there is adultery and when there is abuse. If a husband or wife is violating the marriage with infidelity (having sex with someone else) the covenant is already broken; Jesus even affirms this in the passage I shared earlier. As for abuse, I do not just isolate it to physical abuse where a husband beats his wife or in rare cases the wife beats her husband; that kind of abuse is definite grounds get a divorce. But I am certain that emotional, verbal, and spiritual abuse is just as harmful and that wife or a husband being subjected to those kinds of abuse constantly should set themselves free from the covenant because it is already broken. If a husband abuses his wife in any form, he already has failed to "cherish her like Christ did the church"; laying down his life for hers." If a wife should be the abuser, she has failed to submit to her husband as the head of the family and the husband has a right to break union with her via separation or divorce.

Now, obviously you should seek marriage counseling and make efforts to save the marriage before running to a paralegal or attorney to end the marriage. But in the case of adultery, I argue that counseling is not going to help. I think it is abusive for a husband or wife to stay with their spouse who has cheated. I have heard  happy stories of couples that had one partner cheat and they forgave them and all is well. Honestly, the question of if they will do it again will always be there and the risk health wise to the faithful spouse is high (I speak of Sexually Transmitted Diseases). If abuse is the problem, physical or sexual abuse needs to be addressed immediately! If a husband or wife abuses their spouse by hitting them or sexually hurting them on purpose.. they must file for divorce! Do not give them another chance to repeat these abuses!

If a spouse is abusing you emotionally or verbally, go to a Biblical (Christian) Counselor to see if the behavior can be amended. If not considered separation. If spiritual abuse is involved, that is abuse where a spouse uses God to control you by saying "God says you must obey me (and stop thinking for yourself!)", or they deny Christ: "there is no God!", or making you feel guilty for following Christ and like your delusional if you believe in spiritual things; then I recommend you legally separate or divorce. Such a person is like Satan, they seek to get between you and Jesus Christ by either trying to be god to you or denying there is even Creator and Savior. In this case you are married to a person with a Lucifer complex and your relationship with Jesus will be in peril! In my absolute opinion, I would immediately separate or divorce such a person trying to control you with Spiritual abuse like a lording over controller who makes you come to them like a bishop or priest to hear God and at same time makes your revelations and relationship with Christ seem trivial or if they suddenly behave like an atheist and attack your faith in Christ; in both these cases I say run to a paralegal and end the marriage! For your marriage to Jesus Christ is more important than any marriage to another human being! You could seek a Christian Counselor, but honestly, a spiritual abuser that does what I shared as examples will not respect a Christian Counselor and if you go to Secular Counselor, they will not respect your spiritually and advocate atheism & humanism.

I believe even taking into account the words of Christ in red I have at the beginning of this post, that Jesus would want you to separate or divorce a person threatening your relationship with Him! Someone who would try to get between you and The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is sick and wicked! The reason I think Jesus does not mention such an abuser in his divorce teaching, is nothing like that existed in his day. Back then most people were devout in their faith and such an occurrence probably rarely happened, with the exception of interfaith marriage between a Jew and Gentile (note: that Jesus was talking to Jews in his Sermon on the Mount and the Pharisees who were Jewish religious leaders). I am certain that Jesus would advise you to separate or divorce a person who would get between you and Him or attack your relationship with Him. Jesus died to save us and connect with us, and if He did that much to be with us, I am certain he would say leave a spouse who could come between you and Him (your Savior)!

Make no mistake, I am not against marriage. But too many people are in covenant with horrible abusers and users who are perpetually causing harm to their soul, spirit, and body. Jesus Christ wants us to be union with another person who loves Him and treats their spouse like Christ treated the Church! You have grounds to separate or divorce according to Moses, Jesus Christ, and St. Paul. Please do not easily throw away a covenant over petty differences like food preferences, but if there are destructive differences like the ones I have mentioned, then do not waste time to bring legal action into the situation! Remember in all this that Jesus Christ is with you! That he feels your pain and that He will help direct you to what you must do.

Important Info:

A Legal Separation does not dissolve the marriage. It is basically divorce without breaking the covenant. This is ideal for anyone still skeptical about divorce. It will provide you with the protection you need by Law to live your life free of the abuser without ending the marriage.

Divorce dissolves and destroys the marriage. The only reason to opt for this is if you intend in the future to get married again. If you not, Legal Separation is a better option.