The Sting of Loneliness’ Purpose

 

1 In 16 people (16 percent of people world wide) feel the sting of loneliness. Despite the efforts to stay ever connected through social media and other avenues online, people feel the bitter isolation inside. The Scriptures confront us ever with that we are not alone, that our Lord is always there, “I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). While this is a comfort spiritually, the truth is that we crave connection and to feel some sort of emotional touch. The same God after all said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18) and so created Eve for Adam. The problem is even if you have your Eve or Adam, and you of course have Christ, loneliness will find you. Part of this is that we do not feel the fulfillment of being fully known. While certainly, our Lord knows us fully, he formed us in the womb, but loneliness is on our side, that is how we are receiving. You can be told I love you over and over, and if you do not feel loved, it will not register. 

Loneliness is part of the cross we carry in this world. It is. A bitter pill to swallow because nothing can solve it, no Scripture, not promise of the Spirit, and not even ourselves. It’s the epitome of the Void, the mark of Sin upon our world that we feel abandoned and alone inside. God can break through, absolutely, if we let Him. The barrier is strong especially if you have been traumatized and been subjected to abuses. The inner isolation is a great test of our human condition, much like the dark night of the soul. If a pill could be invented to erase the feeling of loneliness it undoubtedly would be best seller. No one wants to feel like this, an island in a sea and cut off from everything and everyone. And yet how we respond to this black wave is a gauge of our maturity as children of God. We can drown in it or we can see it as a door to understanding the human condition, that is know ourselves. As Christians we put a lot of stock in pleasing God, and pleasing others, but loneliness removes both from the object of focus and says, “you are lonely.” Now this can drive us to despair, or it could be a gift to remind us to re-center and realize that we have a need that cannot be satiated with piety and people. You can even feel lonely in crowds or around people you love, because they do not understand. Loneliness is the one road you have to face alone, and we want to run from it, this is natural, but on that road could be revelation about the self. To encounter not God and others, which are good, there is a time for that, but to encounter yourself. So many of us harbor hatred of ourselves, even if its not at forefront of our personality. This is because we doubt why anyone, even God would love us. But the real question there isn’t does God love us, we know He does, or do others, we know they do because they say so, its do we love ourselves? I not speaking of the love of self that is evil at expense of others and God, but a love of yourself  called philautial, a word that Jesus uses to in the letter, “love others as you love yourself.” (Mattthew 22:39). How can you love others if you don’t love yourself?  That is the point, loneliness forces us to be alone, and to take stock, to assess that philautial, to know do we really love ourselves enough to be alone witth ourselves? Those of us who feel uncomfortable and even cannot stand this sting, that is telling of how we truly feel about ourselves. 

I believe this is the purpose of loneliness, to force us, no confront us with ourselves. For those who are comfortable with themselves, its not as painful, they enjoy being alone, but for those of us who feel the sting, it is deafening and requires we pivot to learn how to philautial, to love ourselves, because until we do we cannot love others as Jesus commands. Amen.