In this life there are two paths which we can take. One is marriage and the other monastic (single life). One is family, and the other is faith. To marry is not to forsake devotion to the Lord or be without Him, nor does being monastic and not married for the sake of serving our Savior mean you must wear a habit and hide in empty halls. No, the choice is between what kind of life we want to live. The desire for family is not evil, no it is the edict of the Creator! For He said, "be fruitful and multiply, and subdue the Earth!" (Genesis 1:28).
This miracle of building families is not something to sneer at or declare less holy than dedicating your whole life (time) to the Lord by forsaking having a family. There is piece of the divine in the delivery of a baby, in the bed of newly weds, and the bending of two wills and lives into one and then bringing in more to create a family! This is as much faith in family making as forsaking married life.
Not marrying and not making a family is a choice that only the individual soul can make. When St. Peter said to Jesus Himself, "then it would be better if no one got married," the Lord responded, "be silent! Not everyone can accept that." (Matthew 19:10-11). It is clear from Christ's response that refraining from marrying and making babies is not best thing for all and would in fact violate what God intended in the Beginning. However, Jesus does go on and say, "But there are some who are born eunuch's, others who refrain from married for spiritual reasons and still some that desire to be chaste for eternity." (Matthew 19:12). This group of people who deny the desire for a deep bond with the opposite sex and the forging of a family is a specific calling.
St. Paul advocated such a calling when he said, "It is my desire that many refrain from getting married and spend their time serving the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:9). The point Paul is trying to make is that it can be easier to minister without a husband or wife. Family requires faithfulness and time, it has rewards and moments that will make your spirit soar, but it can make traveling to distant mission fields or sharing the faith like an evangelist across the country difficult and even impossible. Those who dare juggle the two, missions and married life, find one of two outcomes, their wife and children understand and enjoy the work of the Lord or as often is seen in many churches, the children feel abandoned and neglected. This I believe is what St. Paul is trying to avoid, not creating an austere order for believers. However, even Paul later says in the same verse, "But if they cannot exercise self-control, it is better marry than burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:12).
The advantages and disadvantages of family are the balanced by the advantages and disadvantages of having no family. Family can mean help (in myriad of ways) and love in abundance. It can also mean misery and abuse. Family can make the holidays and important moments of life feel even more dazzling or they can darken and even snuff them out. Being single can be advantageous for spontaneity; the ability to go anywhere, do anything and make your own choices (with the conscious of Christ of course) is not impended by other voices. And yet loneliness and a sense of loss can also be there during the holidays and major moments because there is no family to share in the festivities and finest achievements.
Our hearts are great gage for which of the two paths we should take. Most of us know immediately inside if we desire a family or freedom. The true nature of the two is revealed in our responses. If you find yourself despite discipline seeking for the "One" or if your heart leaps at the sight of someone. If the thought of children and raising them bring immense joy to your soul, then family is definitely at the center of your heart. But if instead independence, ambition, and freedom are the things you desire. If you long to set sail, to travel, and seek out adventure without a care, then staying single is what suites you more, unless you find that rate person who wants the same. These can change, you can find the desire for family was once there, but leaves and now single life is what you want or the reverse; you longed for absolute independence but found intimate love with someone else and now have a family.
Give it time and God will reveal which is for you. Do not try to resolve over strong emotions. If your family is festering thorn in your side, the response maybe to never have a family of your own. But this is folly if it is not from the Lord's design for your life. The opposite maybe true, you may desire a family to fix the unhappiness in your life, but this is the wrong reason, because it has selfish intentions and no one person can make you ever happy, only Christ can fill the void of our hearts.
I imagine nothing I have said seems new. I have written on marriage and monasticism. But this time I wanted to show the beauty of both. In essence both paths: marriage and monasticism come with families. For those who find a husband or wife, they create a family. Those who choose to be monks, nuns, or to be chaste in another manner marry Jesus Christ and find their family is the faithful followers of the same Lord. Either way, whichever path we take, we end up married and in a family. By design, God wants us "not to be alone."
In this life there are two paths which we can take. One is marriage and the other monastic (single life). One is family, and the other is faith. To marry is not to forsake devotion to the Lord or be without Him, nor does being monastic and not married for the sake of serving our Savior mean you must wear a habit and hide in empty halls. No, the choice is between what kind of life we want to live. The desire for family is not evil, no it is the edict of the Creator! For He said, "be fruitful and multiply, and subdue the Earth!" (Genesis 1:28).
This miracle of building families is not something to sneer at or declare less holy than dedicating your whole life (time) to the Lord by forsaking having a family. There is piece of the divine in the delivery of a baby, in the bed of newly weds, and the bending of two wills and lives into one and then bringing in more to create a family! This is as much faith in family making as forsaking married life.
Not marrying and not making a family is a choice that only the individual soul can make. When St. Peter said to Jesus Himself, "then it would be better if no one got married," the Lord responded, "be silent! Not everyone can accept that." (Matthew 19:10-11). It is clear from Christ's response that refraining from marrying and making babies is not best thing for all and would in fact violate what God intended in the Beginning. However, Jesus does go on and say, "But there are some who are born eunuch's, others who refrain from married for spiritual reasons and still some that desire to be chaste for eternity." (Matthew 19:12). This group of people who deny the desire for a deep bond with the opposite sex and the forging of a family is a specific calling.
St. Paul advocated such a calling when he said, "It is my desire that many refrain from getting married and spend their time serving the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:9). The point Paul is trying to make is that it can be easier to minister without a husband or wife. Family requires faithfulness and time, it has rewards and moments that will make your spirit soar, but it can make traveling to distant mission fields or sharing the faith like an evangelist across the country difficult and even impossible. Those who dare juggle the two, missions and married life, find one of two outcomes, their wife and children understand and enjoy the work of the Lord or as often is seen in many churches, the children feel abandoned and neglected. This I believe is what St. Paul is trying to avoid, not creating an austere order for believers. However, even Paul later says in the same verse, "But if they cannot exercise self-control, it is better marry than burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:12).
The advantages and disadvantages of family are the balanced by the advantages and disadvantages of having no family. Family can mean help (in myriad of ways) and love in abundance. It can also mean misery and abuse. Family can make the holidays and important moments of life feel even more dazzling or they can darken and even snuff them out. Being single can be advantageous for spontaneity; the ability to go anywhere, do anything and make your own choices (with the conscious of Christ of course) is not impended by other voices. And yet loneliness and a sense of loss can also be there during the holidays and major moments because there is no family to share in the festivities and finest achievements.
Our hearts are great gage for which of the two paths we should take. Most of us know immediately inside if we desire a family or freedom. The true nature of the two is revealed in our responses. If you find yourself despite discipline seeking for the "One" or if your heart leaps at the sight of someone. If the thought of children and raising them bring immense joy to your soul, then family is definitely at the center of your heart. But if instead independence, ambition, and freedom are the things you desire. If you long to set sail, to travel, and seek out adventure without a care, then staying single is what suites you more, unless you find that rate person who wants the same. These can change, you can find the desire for family was once there, but leaves and now single life is what you want or the reverse; you longed for absolute independence but found intimate love with someone else and now have a family.
Give it time and God will reveal which is for you. Do not try to resolve over strong emotions. If your family is festering thorn in your side, the response maybe to never have a family of your own. But this is folly if it is not from the Lord's design for your life. The opposite maybe true, you may desire a family to fix the unhappiness in your life, but this is the wrong reason, because it has selfish intentions and no one person can make you ever happy, only Christ can fill the void of our hearts.
I imagine nothing I have said seems new. I have written on marriage and monasticism. But this time I wanted to show the beauty of both. In essence both paths: marriage and monasticism come with families. For those who find a husband or wife, they create a family. Those who choose to be monks, nuns, or to be chaste in another manner marry Jesus Christ and find their family is the faithful followers of the same Lord. Either way, whichever path we take, we end up married and in a family. By design, God wants us "not to be alone."
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