Our Lord Jesus Christ gave us a warning that in the last times, “lawlessness will increase, and the love of many will grow cold.” (Matthew 24:12). I originally interpreted this to mean that because sin (lawlessness) increases love will naturally decrease because people will become as the Apostle said, “For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful, abusive, and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good.” (2 Timothy 3:2-3). However, I have encountered in recently months another layer to these words of our Lord, and it is most disturbing. In Anime there is a personality type called the Tsundere, usually a female character, who is fiery, and very abusive. She harbors deep feelings of affection for the protagonist, but whenever he reaches out or compliments her, or shows interest, her defense mechanism of being verbally abusive, calling him “Baka, idiot!” activates; sometimes even getting physically violent if say he gets to close or touches her in an intimate way. While this makes for comical storytelling because we get to see into Tsun Tsun Girl’s head, and hear her say she loves him in secret, in real life this behavior is so toxic because it normalizes abuse and you never see Dere Dere kind side. The obsession with Tsunderes in anime is problematic now because anime is now mainstream in popularity, streaming platforms like Netflix, Amazon Prime Video and many more have anime as an option next to romance, comedy, drama, horror, and etc. Because of the rise of casual anime viewers has grown so has the exposure the toxic Tsundere personality.
The problem with Tsundere and another personality type closely tied ti it called the Push-Pull is now spreading because people are consuming anime and subconsciously imprinting the lie that if someone is abusive towards you that is the love of Tsun Tsun or Tsundere; that hidden behind the words they use as weapons and even physical assault is love. This is actually a mutation of love, people changing it from being naturally what love truly is, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of being wronged/ resentful. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things / It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. Love will remain,” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). Instead of this Scriptural love, people are swapping it with a toxic mindset that love is abusive, love is mean, love is harsh, love is mind games, and etc. This is what I believe Jesus meant about love going cold, that love will not simply become weakened by sin, but rather this alteration of what love is as people are now seeing cruelty and unkindness as some sort of hook for hidden feelings like in the anime Tsundere, when this should be a red flag that the person is mentally ill and abusive! In essence what we are seeing happen is a hijacking of brains response mechanisms of associating harsh behaviors and meaness as signs of love! It is taking what we were told in middle school that “if a girl or guy likes you, he will be mean,” but it is going far more reaching; in the case of middle school it was brief and true feelings of affection overpower the first waves of fire, instead people are being trapped in a mindset that they need to endure a Tsundere, an abuser, and that in time thief shields will lower and you will get the Dere Dere: sweet and caring side. This is a set up for disaster, it goes against our Lord command, “Let your yes be your yes, and your no be your no, anything else is of Satan.” (Matthew 5:37). Mind games are dangerous, and yet addictive because you get major dopamine hits from rollercoaster ride. This plays into the Push-Pull personality that Tsunderes can operate in, they push you away if you try to attach, connect, and get intimate, but when you finally pull away, they love bomb you and try to win you over with high attention and pseudo-affection. You then end up on rollercoaster, with ups and downs emotionally as they reject you and then pursue you, making your nervous system and mind crave this exciting thrill ride, but what you are settling for is abuse. This person does not love you. But these mind games are evil, because we as Christians are called to have a sound mind, “For God hath not given us the Spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (calm, well-balanced mind and self-control).” (2 Timothy 1:7).
Some classics examples of a Tsundere and Push-Pull types is Asuka Soyru/ Shikinami Langley in Neon Genesis Evangelion and Helga in Hey Arnold! Asuka has fiery temper, is constantly verbally abusing the protagonist Shinji Ikari, and she pushes everyone away, when she secretly seeks connection and fears abandonment. She is a tragic character and a fan favorite, but she is horrible model for anyone to love, because she is abusive and does not do anything to grow and move on from it. While Shinji actually grows, sets aside his projecting of rejection by the end of the series, Asuka doesn’t grow, she remains in her armor of Tsun Tsun. Helga is great example of Tsundere in cartoons, she treats Arnold with ire and contempt in public, acting like his bully, but in private has a shrine of love to him in her closet with statue of him and candles she made. So even before Anime really had its golden age in the West, Hey Arnold! Had successfully brought the Tsundere to audiences. The problem Asuka, Helga, and others create on a psychological level is that every guy or girl who is harsh and abusive on outside is secretly softie inside with scars. While this maybe true in some cases, it is a bad blueprint for finding a bonding relationship. You are in essence transmuting love, and seeing abuse as love, and this rewires your mind, soul, and even spirit to crave cruelty rather than Christ like qualities of kindness, gentleness, and self control.
As Christians we have to hold to what Bible says love is, which is God himself, “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins, Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.” (1 John 4:7-12) and we know what love looks like by these verses, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of being wronged/ resentful. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things / It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. Love will remain,” (1 Corinthians13:4-8). Love is not abusive, it is not self seeking, it is not push and pull, it is like Christ who hung on a cross to save us because He loved us (John 3:16). Make no mistake modeling ourselves after our Messiah is not to take abuse, He took our abuses and sins because He is the Son of God, rather we are suppose to have boundaries, for even Jesus in turning the other cheek, in that culture you slapped people with back of your hand, and so to turn the other cheek meant they missed striking you again; but we sadly for almost two thousand years have turned it into an effective weapon of Tsunderes, abusers, and cruel people to walk all over us! Be reminded Jesus says abusers will not be saved at Judgement Day,
“But suppose that servant is wicked and says to himself, ‘My master is staying away a long time,’ and he then begins to beat his fellow servants (abuse with abusers) and to eat and drink with drunkards. The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth..” (Matthew 24:48-51), and that gnashing of teeth is hell, “and throw them into the fiery furnace. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” (Matthew 13:42). Indeed, not only physical abuse with receive judgement as Jesus says, but our words too, “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned,” (Matthew 12:36-37), and the apostle admonishes us to never use our tongues, our words to harm but to build each other up, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29). Not only our Lord and St. Paul warn about the tongue, “From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so,” (James 3:10), “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless,” (James 1:26), “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger,” (Proverbs 15:1), “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger,” (James 1:19), “But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth,” (Colossians 3:9). The Tsundere fails all of these verses, worse Jesus tells us that the Tsundere actually is speaking from their hearts, not just a mask of self defense, “But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.” (Matthew 15:18).
We have to fight back against this Tsun Tsun (Tsundere) with the Son of God. To remember that love is not abuse, love is affection and is kind. Do not let this new love, which is a false love infect your hearts and minds, but guard your minds, “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7). What is at stake is God himself, He is Love (1 John 4:8) and so if we allow this new and false love to rise, it will remove Him from many’s hearts! We have to fight back with authentic love as found in the Scriptures! Amen.
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