The Stepford Church Syndrome

One of reasons that I believe most people don't like the Church is what I call the Stepford Wive's Syndrome. The Stepford Wives for those not familiar is a book, and films about a town where are replaced with more perfect robot copies (in the newer version, the women are reprogramed). When you attend a service you encounter women and even men who behave in happy delusional state, saying "bless you!," "praise the Lord!," and whenever you bring up a problem their prayers go something like this, "We are gonna trust you God, and not look at this problem as problem but a bless'in, a momentary hug from you." It is enough to make you vomit, these Church folk are like Stepford Wives who seem programmed with a charisma and attitude that is inhumane, they never complain, never admit a struggle is a struggle, it is always "an opportunity," to "have faith." While certainly the Scriptures encourage us to cast our cares on Christ (1 Peter 5:7) and to not let anxiety overcome us (Philippians 4:6-8), it never says not to feel anxiety, talk about a problem, or act delusional!

The Stepford Syndrome in church permeates many denominations where both men and women alike act like they were hatched from cabbage patch, and they talk in baby voices, the women have the little girl voice, and men a over charismatic laughing Santa Claus voice. There are some famous preaches on television that capture exactly what I am talking about. Contrary to this delusional optimism and ostrich happiness that looks at everything as positive and gift from God, the Apostles of Bible not only talk about their trials and how they felt, they encourage us in suffering to endure, to even expect it. A great example comes from Apostle Paul second letter to the Corinthians, "For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many." (2 Corinthians 1:7-11). The Apostle Paul shares that his experience in Asia made him "despair of life itself," and he does not sugar coat it at ending to make people delusional about suffering, but rather affirms that God does step in and help his people; not to create Stepford Wives and Santa Men, but to show He is God. It is a fact.

There is nothing in the Apostle's words to indicate we shouldn't feel things, such as depair, pain, hurt, distrust, anger, and more. In fact, Jesus Christ expressed His feelings with great ardor, "The Passover of the Jews was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. In the temple he found those who were selling oxen and sheep and pigeons, and the money-changers sitting there. And making a whip of cords, he drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and oxen. And he poured out the coins of the money-changers and overturned their tables. And he told those who sold the pigeons, “Take these things away; do not make my Father's house a house of trade.”  His disciples remembered that it was written, “Zeal for your house will consume me," (John 2:13-17), "But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people's faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in.Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel across sea and land to make a single proselyte, and when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves," (Matthew 23:14-15), "For you are the children of your father the devil, and you love to do the evil things he does. He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies. So when I tell the truth, you just naturally don’t believe me!," (John 8:44-45), "When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him,and he was deeply troubled. “Where have you put him?” he asked them. Jesus was still angry as he arrived at the tomb, a cave with a stone rolled across its entrance.  “Roll the stone aside,” Jesus told them," (John 11:33-34, 38-39), "You unbelieving and perverse generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me," (Matthew 17:17), "He prayed more fervently, and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood," (Luke 22:44), and, "Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place." (Revelation 2:5). Jesus Christ our God and Savior clearly felt deeply everything from anger to agony and terror, He expressed these emotions without sin, and even spoke them. Then why would we in Church pretend to hide our real feelings, thoughts, and passions? Our God Jesus (Colossians 2:9, Titus 2:13) did not hide his feelings, and yet these Stepford Churches act as if denying anything is wrong proves Jesus is close to them and that they good Christians; that they smiley perpetually, laughing with reckless abandon, and acting cheerful conveys Christ, and yet right here in Scriptures I just shared shows Christ angry, in agony, and calling people out for who they are to their face! 

So if the Scriptures contradict this Stepford Syndrome in the Church, what created it in first place? One of reasons is that there is false identity that many Christians, especially pastors and churches feel they must place on themselves. They think they must act cheerful, nice, kind, and happy to show love of Christ, and convince seekers that this is the indwelling of God's Love (1 John 4:8). It's much like caricature of Christ into a hippy who is all about peace that people still do to this day, when Jesus not only is coming back in wrath with a sword (Revelation 19:11-16) to judge the wicked, but Jesus even told his disciples to buy a sword (Luke 22:36). The Stepford Syndrome wants to pigeon hole God and his people into one state of mind and feeling, rather than having to relate to God and people in balance of God's Mercy and Justice, His Grace and Tough Love. Jesus Christ is not an angry God or quick to anger (Psalm 103:8), but He does get angry (John 11:33-39) and will pour out his wrath on the wicked (Revelation 19:11-16). There is a balance between being in love with Christ in that euphoric ecstasy of spirit that knows Jesus loves you no matter what and revering Him as King of Kings and Judge of Judges. As Christ's Bride, yes we the Church do experience the merciful, compassionate, kind, tender loving, and gentle One; but we don't throw out His tough Love side, "Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent." (Revelation 3:19). 

The Stepford Syndrome in Churches is inhumane. The people act like actors and actresses who are high on what they call the "Holy Ghost" but in reality it is a charisma and delusional persona that makes them seem like robots who can't fathom real problems nor help anyone who is feelin anxiety, pain, hurt, and other emotions, because their answer is always, "haha! praise God! Don't get depressed, bless the Lord O My Soul! Yahoo! Haha Hallelujah!," or "Welcome! Isn't it a lovely day, joyous! I am Nancy, and I fancy that we are gonna be best of friends. Oh I just can't help but smile, for this moment is precious! Oh so precious!" My reaction, is to run! None of Apostles or Jesus Christ Himself behaved like this, just read the Gospels and Epistles of New Testament and you find them wrestling with all kinds of feelings, take this one conversation between Peter and Christ, "Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him. “Far be it from You, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to You. Jesus turned to Peter and said, "Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God's." (Matthew 16:13). Do you think these happy Stepford Saints could even handle such a conversation? I wonder if they have even read this part of Bible.  

Another story similar to Stepford Wives where all wives act perfect, are beautiful, obey their husbands, and act like robots without problems, is Demolition Man starring Sylvester Stallone and Wesley Snipes. In Demolition Man, Stallone plays a cop from 1996 named John Spartan who gets frozen in cryostasis for being framed by his nemesis Simeon Phoenix played by Wesley Snipes. In 1996 LA is gang land of chaos, murder, and death, but fast forward to 2032, and it is tranquil paradise where everyone is happy, there is no violence anymore, and people smile all time acting like Stepford wives. Simeon Phoenix is unleash on this perfect world, and so John Spartan is revived to hunt him down. A scene that is priceless is when the murder maniac Phoenix is at telephone booth and a man says to a view screen, "I feel like I don't matter, and the scene responds, you are special person who inspired Joy Joy feelings in people." The exact Stepford Syndrome that churches display is the society that Demolition Man highlights, for those who would rather see an action packed version of Stepford Wives' World to better unstand what I am talking about. 

Then there is the less charismatic form of the Stepford Syndrome found in Evangelical and other circles. In this case they don't behave with the happy Joel Osteen behavior, but rather that act delusional about your problems with indifference, and no response. You spill your guts to a Pastor, and instead of getting prayer, you get dead pan face or no response. This is same syndrome of delusionalism on a more material than relational front. These Stepfords don't have charismatic laugh or band aid happy sayings, they simply don't case, show they don't care, and act as if you have bubonic plague when you don't stick to 5min hand shake and greeting. The difference about this group of Stepford Churchmen and Women is they don't act bubbly, they simply act indifferent or cruel towards your struggles and emotions; as if its wasting their time, money, and they would rather be doing something else. The behave in same way as the other Stepford people who expect you to be perfect and they act perfect, except its colder and more robotic in nature, without all bells, whistles, and bless you with a southern accent and Dolly Parton drawl. I call this the Stepford Northern Syndrome, which can be found in California, Boston, New Jersey, and countries with more choleric personalities. 

Jesus does not want us to play act, and slap bless you's on hurting people. Instead we are suppose to validate people's feelings, hear them out, pray for them, and affirm that this is normal and not a sin to feel and even express the feeling (long as it doesn't hurt person as in cutting or hurt another as in kill the person and etc). While Christian Counseling has done wonders at reforming Stepford Syndrome in many parts of the world, the fact is that at any level wither the high charismatic to the choleric, people often feel in church setting they must be perfect, pretend their problems are nothing, and never ever express how they personally feel about something; all of which is lying! It is time to destroy this Stepford Church Syndrome, and start being honest about how we feel and stop play acting! After all, look as our God's own words! Jesus had some tough things to say to people and express His emotions. After all, God gave us emotions and formed them in us (John 1:3, Colossians 1:16) because He has them too and we are made in His image (Genesis 1:27). Obviously we shouldn't destroy with our expressions and emotions in forms of Verbal Abuse, but we should feel free in Church to share what we going through, and receive empathy, prayer, and concern, not attitudes and sayings that make us want to repress those feelings and attitudes until one day like volcanic eruption, the lava of all our inner hurt blows up on someone! No, the Church is suppose to be like Christ who spoke out and felt his emotions, and even shared them. Don't be like Stepford Wives, or Society of Demolition Man, but instead being like our Savior who express how He felt in Spirit and Truth. Amen.