The Culture of Ghosting

 

 

 Ghosting is phenomenon when someone ignores your messages, does not responds, shuns you, and behaves as if you are dead. Many use this method to deal with relationships they want to dissolve or manage. The problem is we would agree if we watch a scene like in The Witness, when the Amish community shuns the woman who falls in love with Harrison Ford as being extreme, and yet we are just like that Amish community online, and through our technology, severing people without the courage to confront them. 

I am going to say that ghosting is acceptable if you are dealing with an abuser, specifically a physical, fiscal, sexual, spiritual, and emotional abuser. The Lord will understand that you need to get away from them and not respond to anything they say without a mediator such as a lawyer or safe people. So before I get into the Culture of Ghosting, I do want to say there are acceptable reasons to ghost, and that is definitely one of them. Now to explore the ghosting I mean, I speak of what has become rampant behavior in our culture, that people who are long time friends or merely met online, suddenly cut off one another with no explanation. Let me get very honest, ghosting in this form is unforgiveness, yes it is. You are cutting off the option for repentance, and reconciliation to feel comfortable, and oh how I could talk at length in another post about our addiction to comfort nowadays. But staying on topic, what you are doing spiritually and emotionally is berefting the person of a chance to apologize, and be forgiven, and in turn you welcome the same painful experience back. Jesus told us if there is an offense, the procedure is,"If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back." (Matthew 18:15). When you ghost someone, they can never confess their sin and make things right! You are actually robbing them of the chance to grow, and of the relationship for what? So you can gossip and feel comfortable with your space? Sure, sometimes you need space, then tell them, "I need some space," but do not cut them off and discard them like unwanted Pokemon cards! 

Ghosting is extremely prevalent online, people de-friend, and block people as quickly as chewing a nut or piece of candy. Technology has afforded more ability to reject and make people feel lonely than connect us. People are more inclined to severe all ties over the most minor of things, like that you prefer Captain America's 19880's look over His Avenger's look. It get absurd. In person ghosting happens probably as much, especially if the chance of not seeing the person in person again is high, see that is the rub, if you know you have to see that person at school, church, or work, it becomes nauseous to ghost them, because you are confronted by their face, and have to live with shunning them. The Amish have it easy when they shun a family member or friend because they kick them out the community, but imagine if they had to see that person daily? I imagine their ghosting would be a great deal harder. And that is where technology has become the teeth of the ghost, you are able to easily shun someone because the barrier between you is screens not office space. 

I am going to ask you to actually act like Jesus says, and go to the person who sins against you, "If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back." (Matthew 18:15). If they choose to be a jerk, and keep sinning against you after you confront it, then leave them and at least they know what their sin is, and you can stand before God and say, "I gave them the chance to make things right, for forgiveness to happen." I think even its a good idea to say to someone you intend to ghost in text form what they have done to hurt you, and wait three days for them to respond before blocking them on your devices. I know that can be hard in the emotions, and there are sins as I mentioned in the first paragraph that need instant ghosting, but again we are dealing with the other extreme here, of chronic ghosting, where people are cutting people off left and right with reckless abandon.

Obeying Jesus' words in The Gospel of Matthew, Chapter Eighteen, Verse Fifteen can be very hard. But think about it this way, do you want people to do that to you? Would you rather be ghosted with no opportunity to mend a relationship or have the chance at reconciliation? Would you rather be treated as disposable, or be treated as fellow disciple of Christ and be given the opportunity to change. It is easy to ghost, it is painful to be ghosted, so remember that before you click block and cut off people, that what goes around comes around, and you will "reap what you sow." Amen.