Verbal Abuse in the Church

Verbal abuse is rampant in the church today. I have experienced it myself in person, and felt its counterpart on forums. Today, many in the church have no qualms with slinging arrows at each others. They to often forget that, "The power of the tongue is life and death— those who love to talk will eat what it produces." (Proverbs 18:21). You can sow life or death when you speak to people, and often in the church it is death. What is so alarming, is that verbal and emotional abuse are actually more malevolent than physical abuse, only in that the scars and wounds are invisible and you cannot call authorities to come and intervene in a verbal abusive situation. Social media has aggravated the situation, as has all online social mediums, because verbal abuse is now written abuse and it sits there published.

As the Church we were told by Jesus we would be known by our love for each other, "A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so also you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:34-35). Instead most people are getting to know us disciples by our propensity to argue, berate, and behave like children. As Gandhi said it, "I love your Christ, but not your Christians." We have become so abusive, that people are being turned off to the Gospel and Christ Himself! This should alarm us, make us want to change, but instead the same behavior of contempt, condescension, and controlling attitudes continues. The shame of it all is that we are suppose to be God's ambassadors, "We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God." (2 Corinthians 5:20). But instead of reconciling others to Christ, we are biting and devour one another, "But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another." (Galatians 5:15). This devouring one another with verbal abuse has to stop. And how can we hope to achieve great reconciliation between unbelievers and God (evangelion, evangelism) if we are devouring one another and cannot be reconciled?


Here is a way to think about verbal abuse. When you verbally abuse, put down, condescend, make fun of, slander, gossip, and are harsh with your words to another brother and sister in Christ, you are doing this to Christ himself! For Jesus said, "Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?  And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’  And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers,you did it to me." (Matthew 25:37-40). If by helping a brother in Christ we help Christ, is it not the same if we are cruel to a brother in Christ? For in all Christians Christ dwells, "For God wanted them to know that the riches and glory of Christ are for you Gentiles, too. And this is the secret: Christ lives in you. This gives you assurance of sharing his glory," (Colossians 1:27), "I pray that out of the riches of His glory, He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong," (Ephesians 3:17), "I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me," (John 17:20-21), "I and Father are One," (John 10:30), "And Christ lives within you, so even though your body will die because of sin, the Spirit gives you life because you have been made right with God," (Romans 8:10 NLT), "I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me," (Galatians 2:20), "Don't you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in you?," (1 Corinthians 3:16), "But Christ is faithful as the Son over God's house. And we are His house, if we hold firmly to our confidence and the hope of which we boast," (Hebrews 3:6), "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own," (1 Corinthians 6:19), "What agreement can exist between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be My people," (2 Corinthians 6:16), "The one who keeps His commandments abides in Him, and He in him We know by this that He abides in us, by the Spirit whom He has given us," (1 John 3:24), and "Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me." (Revelation 3:20). It is evident that if you abuse another brother and sisters in Christ it is actually an abuse against Jesus, The Holy Spirit, and Father because they are One Trinity! So when you say hurtful things with intent of abuse, you are actually not just abusing that person, you are doing it against Jesus. In fact, Jesus has some harsh words for servants (Christians) who abuse in last days, "Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom his master has set over his household, to give them their food at the proper time? ⁴⁶ Blessed is that servant whom his master will find so doing when he comes. ⁴⁷ Truly, I say to you, he will set him over all his possessions. ⁴⁸ But if that wicked servant says to himself, ‘My master is delayed,’ ⁴⁹ and begins to beat his fellow servants and eats and drinks with drunkards, ⁵⁰ the master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he does not know ⁵¹ and will cut him in pieces and put him with the hypocrites. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." (Matthew 24:49-51). This passages proves, if you do verbal abuse to other Christians and never repent, or keep practicing it, you shall be thrown into the gnashing of teeth by Jesus, which is hell, "They will throw them into the blazing furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." (Matthew 13:42). To prove the servants in Matthew 24:49-51 is Christians, here is what Jesus said, "But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ for you have one Teacher, and you are all brothers. ⁹ And do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. ¹⁰ Nor are you to be called instructors, for you have one Instructor, the Messiah. ¹¹ The greatest among you will be your servant," (Matthew 22:8-11), "Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, "Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all," (Mark 9:35), "But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant." (Matthew 20:26), and  "You will leave your name for my chosen ones to use in their curses; the Sovereign LORD will put you to death, but to his servants he will give another name," (Isaiah 65:15). Verbal abuse is actually accusing, and it comes from the devil who is the accuser of brethren, "Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: "Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Messiah. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down." (Revelation 12:10), "Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the LORD, and Satan standing at his right hand to accuse him. The LORD said to Satan, "The LORD rebuke you, Satan! Indeed, the LORD who has chosen Jerusalem rebuke you! Is this not a brand plucked from the fire?," (Zachariah 3:1-2), and the devil is mentioned by Apostle Paul "In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil," (Ephesians 6:16). The evil one has gotten the Church to join in his craft, verbal abuse and accusing. This is why as aforementioned, " But if that wicked servant says to himself, ‘My master is delayed,’ ⁴⁹ and begins to beat his fellow servants and eats and drinks with drunkards, ⁵⁰ the master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he does not know ⁵¹ and will cut him in pieces and put him with the hypocrites. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth," (Matthew 24:49-51), Jesus says He will throw an abusive servant into the lake of fire (Matthew 24:49-51, Matthew 13:42) which is what the Apostle Paul says, "nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor verbal abusers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God." (1 Corinthians 6:10 Berean Bible):  "And I say to you that every careless word (ἀργὸν which is Argos: idle, lazy, thoughtless, unprofitable, injurious. Argos was actually a greek god giant of infirimity that Mercury slayed. Argos is a demon see Genesis 6:4-6 and infirmity can be caused by careless and verbal abusive words, disease actually is diss/no ease) that they will speak, men will give an account of it in day of judgment." (Matthew 12:36). Satan is the chief verbal abuser and accuser, and he is destined for fire, "And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever," (Revelation 20:10), and "And anyone whose name was not found recorded in the Book of Life was thrown into the lake of fire." (Revelation 20:15). Jesus is Life (John 14:6, John 1:1-15), Satan is death (Revelation 13:1-15). So is not to speak life, love, encouragement, and godly correction life? And to speak verbal abuse, condescension, and cruel speech death? Are then not the words showing from where you are getting your information, for did not Jesus say, "But the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart, and these defile them," (Matthew 15:18), "A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart/A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of," (Luke 6:45), and is not the heart suppose to be full of God?, "Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind," (Matthew 22:37, cross Luke 10:27), and if are words come from our hearts, are they not to reflect the Lord who is Life (John 14:6), Love (1 John 4:8), and Truth? You see what you say either shows you are of God or of Satan who accuses and abuses. What comes out of your mouth comes out of your heart, and if its verbal abuse/accusation its a sign that Satan has a place in you as he did in Peter once did (Matthew 16:22-23), so if a disciple like Peter once did this and repented, you too can be redeemed from being an accuser abuser. 

We must cease verbal, emotional, and even spiritual abuse in Church (Body of Christ)! For it has the consequences of hell fire (Matthew 24:39-41, Matthew 13:42). We need to treat it that seriously brothers and sisters in Christ! To stop biting and devouring one another. To be Christ to each other. This doesn't mean withholding issues, problems, and hurts from each other, nay Jesus says go to each other in private (Matthew 18:15-17). Slander and verbal abuse aren't sharing a problem, they are being vindictive, and cruel with your words. Sharing a problem is, "I am struggling, when you do that or say that it hurts my heart," versus verbal abuse, "You are a monster! You keep doing this, and this, and you feel this, and meant this." You can never tell someone what they feel, are thinking, and meant, only they and God know these things. Verbal abuse's goal is not reconciliation, it is demonizing the person and intending to unleash pain on them. Talking about a problem has at its heart, "I want to change this, fix it, and be closer to you in our relationship," verbal abuse is about "getting even, hurting you, proving I am right, and calling you names, and using my words as a sword." Verbal abuse doesn't have reconciliation or intimacy in a relationship as focus, but rather the abuser wants to abuse, and it makes them feel powerful, in control, and they enjoy how they can rattle you and even possibly control your thinking, with mind control and mind games. Remember that verbal abuse/accusing is Satanic, so there is spiritual component as well as an emotional one. Pray to be delivered of being an accuser, and ask God instead to make you an ambassador (2 Corinthinas 5:20). I suggest also going to Christian counselor or person who can help you learn with your spouse, friend, or family member how to better communicate without abusive statements and to be third party to hold you accountable. If the prayer for deliverance from a abusive heart, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me," (Psalm 51:10, cross ref Matthew 22:37), and Christian counseling doesn't work to help the said person build a new pattern of non-abusive and non-accusatory behavior, then you need to prayerfully consider leaving that person. You do not want live with or stay around people who want to stay satans always accusing you. Christ Jesus our God and Savior left his family of accusers and abusers, "Then Jesus went home, and once again a crowd gathered, so that He and His disciples could not even eat. And when his family heard it, they went out to seize him, for they were saying, “He is out of his mind. ³¹ And his mother and his brothers came, and standing outside they sent to him and called him. ³² And a crowd was sitting around him, and they said to him, “Your mother and your brothers are outside, seeking you.” ³³ And he answered them, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” ³⁴ And looking about at those who sat around him, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! ³⁵ For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.”" (Mark 3:20-21,31-35 ). Jesus' half brothers and sisters through Joseph and Mary (Matthew 1:25) accused Jesus and so He cut them off. So do not be afraid to create geographic, emotional, and verbal distance from verbal abusers, accusers, and emotional abusers (even spiritual abusers too, because as aforementioned, abuse is spiritual, because Satan is the abuser and accuser). 

"And I say to you that every careless word (ἀργὸν, Argos) that they will speak, men will give an account of it in day of judgment." (Matthew 12:36). The careless words we shall be held accountable on Judgement day is in the Greek ἀργὸν which is Argos: idle, lazy, thoughtless, unprofitable, injurious. Argos was actually a greek god giant of infirmity that Mercury slayed. Argos is a demon giant and was one of Nephilim giants see Genesis 6:4-6. The demons lost their bodies in the Flood (Genesis 6:4-18)) and now crave flesh, "When an evil spirit leaves a person, it goes into the desert, seeking rest but finding none.Then it says, 'I will return to the person I came from.' So it returns and finds its former home empty, swept, and in order. Then the spirit finds seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they all enter the person and live there. And so that person is worse off than before. That will be the experience of this evil generation," (Matthew 12:41-45), and "So the demons begged, "If you cast us out, send us into that herd of pigs." (Matthew 8:31). Thus, if any Christian participates in verbal abuse and accusing they are actually doing what Satan does (see earlier) and are doing a craft of Argos, a spirit of infirmity that comes by using careless words, accusations, and verbal abuse. So to be verbally abusive is to be like Satan and to help the demon Argos harm more people! So do not be part of abuse or else who are joing the devil and a demon! You can repent and stop being verbally abusive, and be like Jesus and speak as He does. You must train yourself in Christ, and be a "New Creation." Amen.