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Learn to be Lonely


We live in society that says we need a significant other to be happy. There is this contingency for joy that requires finding a soul mate. Loneliness instead of being seen as time to let people learn more about themselves, is stigma and stamp of shame. If one is a loner it is seem as either being socially inept or an introverted. If the philosophy of fulfillment by being with another person is followed, then introverts and people going through a lonely period have failed to find that special someone that will make their whole life grand and make their dreams come true.

If you are sensing fairy dust, then you are right. This belief is a fairytale, a fantasy and fiction created by the Father of Lies. Its not that it doesn't have some truth in it, all the best lies have slice or amount of truth to make them palatable. The truth is that we do need other people and the Lord said, "It is not good for Man to be alone," and He created a "help mate (soul mate)" (Genesis 2:18). But the philosophy of ever-happiness if you meet this other person is idolatry. The truth is that Jesus Christ is our significant other, in that he is our Savior and all we need. A soul mate is a bonus and "gift from God." But it should not be source of our happiness.

Many marriage fail because one of the partners is expecting their husband or wife to be God; to make them happy. This is impossible because only the Lord Jesus can make us joyful: "The Joy of the Lord is my strength." (Nehemiah 8:10). Another problem is that people believing this lie of perpetual paradise through marriage find that themselves rushing into relationships. Many people who marry younger end up divorced later. The reason? They were not mature enough, nor knew themselves well enough. The best age range for marriage today is said to be from 27-35yrs of age. Ideally 30 is the best age, because both persons have developed into the people they will be for the rest of their lives. People who marry as early as 16 to 25 may discover that their significant other will change and not be the person they married.

So what is the lesson to be learned from this? Learn to be lonely. If we expect someone else to help feel the void of loneliness in our lives; if we put the pressure of another person of being our sole happiness, then we have created a living idol that will destroy that person. At some point that significant other will not be able to handle being god and they will walk away, which leads to loneliness. If we can become content with Christ alone and be happy being lonely and learning on our own, then when God graces us with another person we shall consider it an additional joy, not joy itself.

Our Lord Jesus Christ said, "Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven and all His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you (family, possessions and etc.)." (Matthew 6:33). Too often we seek the additions, the add ons rather than Adonai (Lord) Jesus. As Christians we must first care for and connect with Christ, then be content with just Christ and finally not put our worth, happiness, and identity in another Christian (even if they are a soul mate).

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