There are toxic people. People who will use you and abuse you. They are family members, friends, and fiends you do not know. Users are people who spend time with you to get something. Sometimes this is tangible like a money, gifts, and etc. Other times it is to use up your time to fill up their need for attention. Users will be with you as long as you give them what they want; if you keep babysitting their children they will keep in contact, but should you cease being their nanny they will not speak to you but seldom. Another example is that if you spend money on a user, buying them nice things and lunches, they will meet you anytime and talk to you. But once you decide to make boundary that you will not go over your budget, they suddenly are busy all the time.
The Abuser sometimes is the User, but can be without the user mentality. Abusers come in all kinds: physical (the literally beat people black and blue or worse), emotional (the mind games, lying, disrespect, and condescending), Spiritual, and Sexual. I have explored these kinds of abuse in anther blog post called Controllers and Caregivers. But I will focus here on the abuser who is also a user. If a User is denied what they want they can shift into Abuser gear where they will be hostile towards the person they were using and even belittle and berate them in public. The reason the Abuser manifests is that User is no longer able to take from the Used person and fill their narcissistic needs.
Users and Abusers are the worst kind of people. They latch onto timid, tender, insecure, and emotionally hurt people. The User works like used car sell's man. They lure their victims into a false sense of importance and purpose. By the time the Used person realizes what has happened; that they are now a slave to this other person the User has gained money and time like a leech from the Used. If the Used wises up and decides to stop being codependent and controlled the Users becomes an Abuser and either will abuse the Used person until they go back to being that dependable slave or destroy them.
Users and Abusers are dangerous. So much so, that Jesus Christ got rid of them. Jesus one day spoke to the crowds and said, "The time for miracles is over, now eat my flesh and drink my blood." The response from the crowds was "give us bread." Jesus responded that they must eat his body and drink his blood. The crowds left because they were Users, they wanted free food, healings, and son on from the Son of God without having to suffer or partake in close relationship with Him. So Jesus said something they could notice accept, "eat my flesh, and drink my blood." Only the Twelve Disciples remained and Jesus said to them, "aren't you going to leave me too?" One of the Disciples responded, "How can we leave you when you have spoken the Truth?" (John 6).
Christ did not keep users around. Neither did he hang with the abusers who were the Pharisees, Sadducees, and Religious Members. Jesus confronted these abusers on many accounts, calling them "snakes and vipers," "sons of their father the devil," and the long chapter called "Woe to your Pharisees" (Matthew 15:7, Matthew 23:33, John 8:44). The Pharisees and Sadducees were always abusing Jesus, questioning Him and saying, "He castes devils out with the help of devils," To which Jesus responded, "a kingdom divided amongst itself cannot stand, how can the devil caste himself out?" (Matthew 12:25-26). Ultimately, the abusers crucified Jesus on the cross. Likewise abusers will try to crucify you if you will not submit to them. It may not be physical scourging and violent death; but abusers will hurt you and harm you if they can.
Watch out for Users and Abusers. Especially those in your family who will call upon you for help, but never to hang out. They will say they love you, but their words are bitter like venom of a viper. Watch out for friends who say their true, but really want what you can give them or want to take up your time to talk about themselves. Beware of the abusers in all their forms, for they lurk about everywhere; in our families, friends, and all over the face of the Earth. Take a tip from Jesus and be done with these people! Tell them the free loading and fair weather friendship is over!
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