The Stages of Grief

Psychology is a bag of truths and lies. The truths apply to the nature in us and the lies are the labels for every behavior that does not fit in pseudo-Utopian society. I want to discuss the five stages of grief. These stages I believe are authentic, but I would like to explore them with Christ, not humanistic ideals.

The first stage of grief is DENIAL.

Denial is the atypical response of anyone who is grieving the loss of something. It can be a job, a friend, family, or even a house. Denial is a delusional state of being where you are convinced you have not lost anything or you try to suppress the thought of the loss with diversions, projects, entertainments, activities, and etc. Denial is dangerous if kept unchecked because it can cause people in grief to adopt irrational perspectives on their world and life.

The second stage of grief is ANGER.

Anger is the proper response to loss or being hurt by someone deeply. Anger is not evil, but if not bridled it can cause property damage, physical abuse of another person, or self abuse in the form of cutting and etc. Anger tells us something is wrong, at last the griever is aware of the loss and is responding in their frustration.

The third stage of grief is BARGAINING.

Bargaining is when you try to make a deal with God or someone to change the state of having lost something. As Christians this stage is familiar, we cry out to God to change our circumstances; to give us back sevenfold what we lost or to repair those relationships. Bargaining is the last desperate attempt to change what happened.

The fourth stage of grief is DEPRESSION.

Depression is the point when the anger's flame is blown out and the bargaining is over. Depression is the give up stage, it is when you want to just stay in bed, sleep on the couch, eat obsessively, and wallow in the loss. Depression can be crippling if it last for too long a duration. It can harm your health on many levels if a person stays stuck in depression.

The fifth and final stage of grief is ACCEPTANCE.

Acceptance is when the griever finally decides they must accept what has happen and move on. Usually what precedes acceptance if the climax or pinnacle of grieving; crying, swooning, and etc. This is the stage that ends the cycle of grief or at least makes life now manageable.

Looking at these stages we can see it does not contradict the Bible. We see major personalities in God's Word falling into these stages. Jonah represents Denial well, he decides God could not call him to Nineveh and then he tries to sail in the opposite direction. Anger is best represented by St. John and St. James, whom Jesus called "The Sons of Thunder (they had tempers)." Bargaining actually befalls Jesus Christ himself in the Garden of Gethsemane when he cries to his Father to "take this cup from him." Depression is seen starkly in Noah who after The Flood has become a lounging drunk. Acceptance is seen in St. Peter when he accepts his fate to die on the cross, St. Paul who accepts he must suffer for Christ, and most importantly Jesus Christ himself when he accepts His Father's Will and dies for the sins of the world.

Not even God or the great Church Fathers were exempt from grief. This world is a planet full of grief that will tare at our hearts and make us feel all of the emotions of the five stages of grief. We are not alone, Christ Jesus and the Saints suffered these stages. We can make it through to Acceptance. I myself have experienced these stages. They are one of the few things in psychology that aligns with the Truth of the Bible.

I would like to add that the stages are not always linear. A person can find themselves floating back and forth between Acceptance and Depression or even from Acceptance back to Denial. The point is that grief can never fully be eliminated. There will always be people who will hurt us and there will always be loss. In all this we must look to Jesus Christ, not psychology to fix our broken hearts. The masters of psychosis like doctors can only treat symptoms, they cannot reach into your soul and fix the root problem like God can. So whatever stage of grief you may be in, turn to Jesus and walk through it with Him. For he experienced them himself and came through to do the mightiest act of love ever!