It is rather dismaying how much easier it is to make unbelieving friends than Christian friends. To make a Christian friend at church is akin to having to go on dates, and prove yourself a worthy contender to be their friend. This can take years, as you attend Bible studies, and small groups, endeavoring with every fiber of your being to have fellowship. In stark contrast, unbelievers make fast friends, it reminds me of when you are kids and you say, “your favorite color is blue?! We will be best friends!” (Paraphrase of Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfield Series). An Unbeliever does not put a person through this social triage, simply all you have to have is one thing in common, one interest whither it be anime, fantasy realms like Star Wars, or Sports.
Why is this the case? Why is it so hard to have community and friendship in the church? The answer is threefold. Firstly, churches since Luther have functioned as academia or theology schools of sorts, where the focus is the sermon, what the purported scholar or teacher will share at the service, and so it does not foster relational connection, because it is lecture based. Secondly, I do not want to make the exemption for Charismatic circles of Christians, they make fast friends, and I think the reason why is they pray together and move in the Holy Spirit, and that creates intimacy and closeness. They have the Lord pulling them into close communion through manifestations and their care for one another in the Spirit, while the more Evangelical, and High Churches use the academic model I referenced earlier. Thirdly, think there is aspect of why making Christian friends is hard that goes back to the First Coming of Christ. Jesus was friends with the downtrodden and sinners, his best friends were repentant fishermen, tax collectors, and prostitutes, people who were considered outcasts by the religious caste who were using guess what model, the academic-ecclesiastical one where people learned from Rabbis and scholars, but as people said of Jesus, “He does not teach like the scholars, he teaches with authority.” (Mark 1:22). Our Lord had curt words for the religious class, dedicating a whole chapter to Woes against them, including saying “you make converts twice the sons of hell as you are.” (Matthew 23:14). Ouch! Christ was furious that the religious leaders put heavy religious demands on people, “They crush people with unbearable religious demands and never lift a finger to ease the burden,” (Matthew 23:4), while Jesus’ yoke is light, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”” (Matthew 11:28-30).
I believe the problem of community, of having close friends, gaining friendships fast among other believers is a systemic problem. Many Muslims who convert to Christianity lose their families, and despairing after finding no family or community to welcome them in the Church, they go back to the Ummah, but to bosom of their blood family. This issue is going to be a malignant tumor in the church, that will make even the most devout Christian ill. We do not need academies, we need families. You can research the deepest theological thoughts and ideas on the internet, you can even get books in other languages translated by Amazon instantly on Kindle. What we need to Familia de Fide, a Family in the Faith, not more scholars. Remember that the people were not content with the Pharisees and their scholars, they saw in Jesus and his apostles the Family, a brotherhood of believers. Jesus even used terms of friendship and family,”I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you,” (John 15:15), “He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother,” (Matthew 12:46-50);
and the apostles use the lingo too, “all are children of God through faith in Jesus,” (Galatians 3:26), and we “And, “I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty..” (2 Corinthians 6:18). This is a family, not an academy of religious people!
Honestly, to achieve a solution needs a reformation. As the reformer said, “All christians he insisted, had both the right and responsibility to reform the church, regardless what the priests said.” (Protestants: The Faith That Made the Modern World, Alec Ryrie, First Edition). We have had reformations and revivals like the Jesus Revolution that got it back to family in Christ, but slowly the scholars took over again. It seems that it lasts for a brief shining moment in Church Macro (larger, Universal), and only survives in Church Micro, that is circles like the Charismatics. We need a major transformation, to get back to family, or people are going to go to unbelievers who sadly are more accepting and loving than the religious Christians. People are going to end up unevenly yoked, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God.”(2 Corinthians 6:14-16), if there is no yokes of family in the Church! In essence the churches are culpable for the marriages of unbelievers and believers, and even Rob Bell who fell from the Truth, was a prolific and brilliant preacher had as his best friend an Atheist, who when they died Bell got so rocked in his faith he wrote a horrid and false teaching book called “Love Wins,” where he denied heaven and hell exist, when Jesus speaks over so many times of hell and heaven, “Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell,” (Matthew 20:18), “And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It’s better to enter eternal life with only one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell,” (Matthew 18:19), “And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever. Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life (those who believe in Jesus as Lord and Savior and follow Jesus) was thrown into the lake of fire,” (Revelation 20:10, 15), “When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven,” (Mark 13:25), “And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise,” (Luke 23:43), and “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven.” (Matthew 6:19).
We need to rebuild the family aspect of our faith, or it is going to keep falling behind Islam, and other religions that emphasize family both literally and spiritually. If we ignore this, we shall see more and more people either leaving the faith (there have been many prominent leaders apostatize) or they will become yoked to unbelievers like Rob Bell and get disillusioned with Christian Truths and become partial or cannibalized Christians. Amen.
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