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To Marry or Not To Marry That Tis The Question


There is a tendency to consider anything Post-Apostolic (100 A.D. and beyond) to Pre-Reformation (100-1600 A.D.) as "a form of godliness," or "manmade religion." Those in post Reformation churches judge the ascetics, monks, and nuns as creations by the Roman and Eastern Orthodox Churches. However, the truth is that monasticism has roots in the Holy Scriptures. The Apostle Paul lays a framework for remaining single in the service of Christ, if at all possible, "To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:8-9). The Apostle Paul builds on this case for remaining celibate (though he does not stress it as a rule or requirement for believers), "I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that." (1 Cor:26-28). The Apostle Paul drives this home with these words, "I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.  But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." (1 Cor 32-35). Paul is not trying to destroy matrimony, nor has he made this a rule for believers, but rather a suggestion, that if possible a person deny their passions (if they have the self control, if not they should marry) so that they can whole heartily serve the Lord Jesus Christ without hindrance or encumbrance.

I recently saw an episode of "Arranged" a television series that follows couples who had arranged marriages. In this particular episode, there was Jewish couple, Christian-Texan couple, and Hindu-Indian couple. What became apparent was that marriage is a struggle, not an endless Hallmark movie, romance novel, or fairytale of happily ever after. The honeymoon phase is exactly that, a phase. Those entering matrimony are learning what Paul says, "The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." (1 Cor 7:3-4), and "Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." (Ephesians 5:24-26, 28-29, 31).Marriage comes with a cost for both, wives submitting and husbands so loving their wives that they lay down their lives for her in not only a literal way, but in their choices, if watching sports all day or smoking is hurting your wife, you must put it to death and thus show love.

The point is that the Apostle Paul urges people in the "time of distress" to abstain if it is within the realm of possibility, from marriage and passion and instead use the time in service of Triune God. Its not a rule, but in these dark and last days it become more potent in its address. We can now understand why in Middle Ages, many men and women advocated for becoming celibate monks and nuns to live free of the yoke of matrimony. While there are blessings that come from the yoke of marriage, like intimacy and offspring; there are also blessings from yoke of celibacy like freedom and unbridled energy for things of God. Ultimately, the Apostle Paul says choose, "To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion," (1 Cor 7:8-9), "Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches," (verse 17), "anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better." (1 Corinthians 7:36-38).

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