Verbal Abuse

 

We talk a lot about the evils of physical abuse, but there is another kind of abuse that leaves no marls on the body, but on the soul. Verbal abuse is when people raise their tone and use words in a cruel way like, “you piece of shiitaki!,” and more artful mean spirit sentences like “I never loved you!” This kind of speech is can followed by apologies,  and promises to never do it again. But the mark of verbal abuse remains, and Scripture tells us to not participate in this behavior, “But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth,” (Colossians 3:8), “But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person,” (Matthew 15:18), “Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit,” (Psalm 34:13), “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who heart,” (Ephesians 4:29), “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned,” (Matthew 12:36-37), and “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man,” (Proverbs 22:24), “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing,” (Proverbs 12:18), “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless,” (James 1:26), and, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger,” (James 1:19). 

The tongue can be a weapon of great destruction to another person, the apostle James aptly describes it as thus, “So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God..” (James 3:5-10). We do this, especially at church, we praise The Lord and act nice to others in public, but in private those same lips strike at those we love. 

Why? Why do people verbally abuse? There are many factors. The first is if you were raised in a household where a parent was verbally abusive, yelling at their spouse, acting violent, and saying hurtful things. Because you grew up in that household, your flesh and brain is sadly wired to believe its acceptable. We look to our parents to know what is normal behavior, this is called nurture, but this is how generational sins are passed on. A second reason someone might act verbally abusive is trauma, they went through a lot of pain and traumatic experiences and unable to process it and get healed by Christ it comes out in displaced anger and they say hurtful things. Another reason is they do not have good boundaries, and so resentment and feeling coerced to do things they really do not want to do comes up in mean speech. None of these reasons excuses the behavior, but they are sources and ultimately a person has to come into agreement with Scriptural and cease verbal abuse with the help of Christ and counselors. Amen.