The Cycle of Abuse

Abuse is like seeds, it grows in the abuser when they heap abuse on another and in the abused if they receive it and choose to recompense it with retribution. There are only abuser and abused. The abuser inflicts abuse (pain, harm, emotional, physical, and spiritual) upon the abusee or abused. This vicious cycle continues from generation to generation, as abused become abusers; for the grievances and harsh treatment builds up within to create a new abuser to pass on this disease and sin. The Bible has much to say about abuse, and wither we should participate or pacify it. The most famous rebuke towards abuser is found in Alpha and Omega's own words, "But suppose that servant is wicked and says in his heart, ‘My master will be away a long time, and he then begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards, The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." (Matthew 24:48-51). Jesus' words in the older English were, "abuses his fellow servant." Here it is evident the penalty for being an abuser and drunkard is the gnashing of teeth (hell, see Matthew 13;42), but it is important to understand that this rebuke is for Christian believers, for being a servant in the context of this scripture is to be a follower of Christ and worker in his kingdom, "But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave, just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many," (Matthew 20:26-28), and "The greatest among you must be a servant." (Matthew 23:11).

If Christ condemns the abuser, what advice does he give to those who are abused by tyrants in this world? Jesus says, "But to those of you who will listen, I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.  someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back." (Luke 6:27-30). Is Immanuel demanding we be spineless and to become doormats? Nay, He is trying to curb the vicious cycle of making abusers. If we respond to abuse with abuse, we become the very injustice we hate. This is why Christ says, "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well." (Matthew 5:38-40). The Lord is endeavoring to break the cycle in a Christian's life, to show us the way out of continuing the cycle of abuse.

To be a follower of Christ is to expect abuse from this world, "If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." (John 15:19). This world is an abuser maker, it fills with abuse daily to heap on people and it seeks to breed through making new abusers through abusing the abused. The Apostles teach us to bear this burden, of letting abuse be on us but not to return it, "And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood. Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace (reproach) he bore." (Hebrews 13:12-13). Our model is the Messiah and Son of God Himself. We are to bear with the abuse, not return abuse on those who spout it and inflict it. We are told by the prophecy of the Apostle Paul people in last days we live in will become more abusive and difficult to live with, "You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy/considering nothing sacred.They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good, They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!" (2 Timothy 3:1-5). Here the Apostle Paul gives us an addendum, he urges us to stay away from these people. Christ's words about loving our enemy, blessing those who curse us, and praying for those who abuse us is in the cases where such abuses cannot be avoided, if it happens Jesus says do this "love them, pray for them, and do not respond in same manner," but Paul is saying if you can avoid being around such people as these and distance yourself, then do so; but Christ who is God knows you will inevitably encounter abuses and be victim of their vitriol. Here in lies the balance, we are to never abuse back, and to forgive and love the abusers, praying for them, but we are permitted to leave the abusers; Christ and Paul's words do not conflict, Christ is addressing when you get abused, Paul is that people will become more abusive and if you can avoid contact with such people.

It is better to be abused than abuse. For the mark of being an abuser is hell, "I will cut them (the abusers and drunkards) to pieces, and assign them to outer darkness and gnashing of teeth: and throw them into the blazing furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." (Matthew 24:51, Matthew 13:50). Perhaps this is what the Prince of Peace meant when He said, "And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell," (Matthew 5:30) alluding to keeping your arm at expense of becoming an abuser. The point is that as Christians we must expect abuse, hatred, and mistreatment from people. Jesus warned us, "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. Be on your guard; you will be handed over to the local councils and be flogged in the synagogues," (Matthew 10:16-17), and "Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me." (Matthew 24;9). These words of Christ testify that we Christians will experience abuse and even execution for following Jesus. The line, "be shrewd as serpents, and innocent as doves," is actually symbolism that means be shrewd (sharp powers of judgement) as the angels (seraphim, in English it translates serpent), and innocent as doves means to not be abusive and bite back; doves are peaceful and kind, and Jesus said, "God blesses those who work for peace (peacemakers) , for they will be called the children of God." (Matthew 5:9). So Christ is telling us to be able to judge (discern) those around us who are wolves and yet be innocent of the wolvery or abusive behavior.

I want to be clear, I am not advocating staying in abusive relationships. On the contrary, I believe Christ's words and my exegesis is in regards to when abuse happens to you to not let it take root inside you and make you an abuser, but to forgive and respond with prayer and love, so as to keep your soul from becoming overtaken by same evil spirit that holds the abuser captive; but as Paul said to Timothy, "Stay away from people like that!" (2 Timothy 3:5). Jesus Christ our God and Savior is dealing with the spiritual issue, and how to keep from becoming an abuser, while Paul is giving you the practical advice to leave the abusers if you can; but even then you will encounter an abuser and must practice was Christ says in order to avoid becoming abusive.

Abuse is rampant in this day and age, just as Paul prophesized it would (1 Timothy 3:1-5). We must cling to Christ's words and not let ourselves become the next abusers. Instead do as He said, "pray for those who abuse you," and "love your enemy." It isn't easy, but Emmanuel is right. It helps to remember that abusers where once like you, abused by an abuser and because they did not forgive, love and pray for their abuser, they became the successor of abuse. Abusers sow seed, abused into their victims and if watered by the hatred, enmity, and unforgiveness of the abused it grows into an abuse tree, but if instead you cut at the roots with Christ's words and even stop the seeds from germinating, you can prevent yourself from being an abuser. You cannot prevent someone from abusing you, but you can prevent yourself from abusing others, remember, "The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences." (Proverbs 18:21). Our words are swords, they can either set people free with loving words like a honeycomb, or cut people down like harbinger holding an axe. Christ who is Life (John 1:1-5, John 14:6) wants us to speak life. This does not mean you never bring up a problem or talk about struggles, it means when you do so you aren't abusive and hurtful with your words, "Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ," (Ephesians 4:15). Jesus Christ was no push over, he called the Pharisees (religious leaders) sons of the devil (John 8:44), and even damned them (Matthew 23:14). We must remind ourselves Jesus Christ is God (Colossians 2:9, John 1:1-15) and so is allowed to judge man (Matthew 16:27) including the Pharisees, secondly prophets spoke in 'harsh' terms to rattle and urge people unto repentance, and thirdly it can be loving to speak words that are hard to swallow and that confront, for such words are not abusive words but their aim is to build up and restore someone. Abusive words only seek to tear down and hurt someone, they have not goal in helping the person, here are is comparison, "You just can never do anything right, you always make this mistake, and should just stop trying because your hopeless," (abuse) versus, "You keep making this mistake, and I am exhausted from enabling your carelessness, wake up! Start taking responsibility and change this behavior before it ruins your life" (correction). The abusive statement was generalizations and used words like, "never, ever, always," that are telltale signs of an abusive statement; while the later seemed harsh but had at its heartbeat love and help.

Choose to not abuse, but instead to be like the Alpha and Omega who said on the cross, "And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34). Jesus said these words as he incurred every kind of abuse, physical in form of scourging and crucifixion (Matthew 27:26), the mocking verbal abuse of bystanders (Matthew 27:40-42), and spiritual abuse from the Pharisees (Mark 15:30) calling him to come down from cross and save himself. Christ responded "forgive them, for they know not what they do," because He knew abusers were abused, and they are continuing the vicious cycle of sinful abuse. The only way to stop it is to choose Christ, obey His words, and conform your mind (Romans 12:2), heart (Matthew 22:37-38), and actions (Matthew 16: to the Lord Jesus Christ's Will and stop fighting back with abuse.