I want to first state that I was Jeremy Camp fan. I had three of his albums and even saw him live in concert and heard him tell the story of Melissa, his first wife who got cancer, so going into this movie I had an invested interest perhaps that many may not have. I want to say the ministry of Melissa's testimony that has reached millions about the Purpose of Suffering and Death is a noble one, and I often get really frustrated that in our Protestant Churches the false Kenneth Copeland message of "you are not healed because you do not have enough faith," as if faith is some magical elixir or ability to manipulate God to do what we want. So I found the subject matter of this film to be refreshing, and much needed in the Reformed churches that have lost sight of Jesus' words, "I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." (John 16:33).
The Kendrick Brothers who directed this biographical film are known for "Facing The Giants," and "War Room." They basically created Pureflix, the Christian alternative to Netflix with family friendly content that is very Evangelical Christian in its message. That said I take some issues with their style, and the extremes they take. For instance, Beth Moore's character in War Room tells a woman (Patricia Shirer) that her Husband who is about to cheat on her that wives don't have redeemed and holy husbands, because I quote, "they gave up too soon!" She means this in prayer, as if prayer can completely control someone's free will, Arminianism say what?! God does not throw bolts of conformity down from heaven! As the Prophet says, "choose this day whom you will serve, it if be the Lord God, follow him, if Baal then follow him!" (1 Kings 18:21). Similar faulty logic happens in "I Still Believe," when Melissa, the woman that Jeremy Camp falls in love with at Calvary Chapel College, has cancer, and she goes on about stars, "how the ones that are dying burn the brightest!," she turns her whole death into this great and happy thing, which to me is so unrealistic. While some Christians arrive at, "to live is Christ, to die gain," (Philippians 1:21), I find that attitude can demean and make people who are not coping well with a cancer diagnosis and other trials feel belittled and feel worse because they just can't see the Goodness of God in their terrible ordeal; in truth they should be allowed to feel disappointment and even disillusionment rather than pretend its all great for the Glory of God! While it is biographical and the real Jeremy Camp at the end of the film affirms what is in film, that he went back to his guitar quickly and wrote, "I Still Believe," the presentation can be wounding to those grappling with God and disappointed about cancer and other troubles in their lives and if you are going through a Dark Night of Soul and Wrestling with God, even feeling Hate towards him about your diagnosis and the pain, I want to say it is alright to have those feelings. Being angry at God is not a sin, feeling disappointment in God is not a sin, it is natural in a relationship, even with the Almighty, to feel these things.
The problem I have with Melissa's ideology in the film is how cheerful she gets about dying. I cannot say I know if the Real Melissa who was Camp's first Wife, was like this. Movies take liberties, I mean the movie Ragamuffin painted Rich Mullins Father as emotionally abusive, when in interviews Rich said he and his Dad were close and even he went to his dad for advice. That is my problem with these films, artistic license to the extreme is taken, even adding drama and presenting things in a way that is so cookie-cuttered and Hallelujah Christ in my cancer! That it is unrealistic. The Apostle says, "rejoiuce with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn." (Romans 12:15). While we get one scene of Melissa breaking glass and yelling at the prospect of losing her Ovaries, and Jeremy breaking his Guitar in anger, he quickly finds journal pages in his broken guitar from his dead wife and goes right to back to awesome Musical Saint; when the richest scene in the movie is when Gary Busey (Lt. Dan form Forest Gump) talks to his son in Morning, "I did agree with you entering into the union with Melissa at the time. I knew you were walking into fire with her." He goes on to say that the questions Jeremy asks why his Dad praying for his ministry to be big did not happen, why they prayed and still a little brother had Down's Syndrome, and now why God did not heal Melissa after healing her earlier. Busey does a good thing of saying, "was I disappointed about your brother, yes. Was I disappointing that all my dreams for my ministry did not pan out, yes. But I have a rich life, not in spite of the disappointments, because of them." It comes across with gravitas because Gary is seminal actor, and the point really drove home that sometimes its the disappointments that shape your life, and make you what you are; he doesn't however put it as Beth Moore or Kenneth Copeland forced happy statement, he says it in a way that feels grounded and true, we all are living with disappointments of where things ended up. Busey doesn't give panacea, he gives a pure and raw truth that life is full of disappointment and let it shape you, because it is going to anyways. That was the most profound part of the film, and I wish i was full of more of this and less "I am so glad to die! It's God's will I be supernova star that burns out! yay!"
At the end of the film, Jeremy Camp meets Adrienne, a woman from South Africa, a red head, who was saved by Malissa's life when she was downcast. You learn Adrienne becomes Jeremy Camp's second wife and they have three kids. I could not help but think of the comparison with Jacob, who loved Rachael and she died in childbirth, while he had another wife Leah who ended up raising the children. While I am not saying that Malissa was not part of God's plan, I would never speak against a testimony that has soothed people's souls and been witness of the gospel, I do find myself wonder as I am want to do, if Adrienne was God's choice for Jeremy Camp, because Malissa's parents and his own parents in this film try to dissuade him from marrying her. It is easy to say, no it all was God's plan, and he wrote the amazing song, "I Still Believe," and would never have written it otherwise. Alright, but the Evangelical-Charismatic ideology has pitfalls in that it tries to make major meaning out of all suffering, a lot of suffering on Earth has nothing to do with a Calling from God, it is because of Adam and Eve, and futility creation is under, "For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies." (Romans 8:19-23). I understand the first verse in that says, "I count my sufferings as nothing compared to glory that awaits me," but I cringe from how much people place on God, "why is God testing me?" "Why is God allowing this to happen?" Uh God tried to prevent this entropy and pain but Adam and Eve chose it, and He sent His Son, Jesus Christ to suffer great pain to save us.
I find people taking Jesus and being like "I shall suffer like Christ.." taking what the apostles say out of context. The Apostles mean when suffering comes your way and when you suffer for Christ, as in being a persecuted for your faith and etc, that is "sharing in his suffering," not going looking for suffering and trying to flip a burnt pancake of bad diagnosis into some sort of God Wills me to die. wahoooo I love what Thomas Cromwell and Thomas Moore discuss in the first season of Wolf Hall, "Cromwell: I never have understand the line between sacrifice and self slaughter. Moore: Christ drew it (the line). Cromwell: you do not find anything wrong with the comparison?" Cromwell there is trying to chide Moore that turning his own testimony and martyrdom into a mini crucifixion is mocking Christ, because comparing our suffering to Jesus has pitfalls, for One he is God and He came to pay for the sins of the world. While we can take inspiration from Christ's Passion and suffering in our own suffering; even find solace in Christ Crucified, trying to parlay His Passion into some sort of exuse for self slaughter and to seek out suffering is another thing; that honestly is a misuse of "sharing in Christ's sufferings."
I have a real problem with Delusional Denial in the Church. That everything has to "have a purpose under heaven," sometimes its just the planet is cursed people, that Jesus said, "in this life you will have tribulation." Not everything is God's Will. It reminds me of the Second Crusade, when it failed, people said, "God is punishing us for our sins, He willed it fail due to our iniquity," no, it was because the Leaders of Crusade bickered and competed, and the French Leader abandoned his people. It was because of bad preparation and lack of discipline, it reminds me of Saladin in Kingdom of Heaven, "how many battles did the Muslims win before I came, that is when God determined I should come. Few enough, that is because we were sinful. No, it was because you were not prepared." Indeed, a lot of the time it is not God, it is people making choices, and this entropying planet. I am not saying God's Will is not happening, I just do not think He is some Genie in sky throwing thunderbolts at some people and others dropping success on others. A lot of what happens is genetics, your choices, and the Original Sin at work in the world. Yes God is in control, and there are forces of darkness against us (Ephesians 6:12). But I think attributing all suffering and pain to God has pitfalls, it will lead inevitably to bitter feelings when you have had your fill of suffering. i think there are much broader culprits to our troubles, people's choices even in past, addiction is inherited, if you have ancestors and parents who are alcoholics, you are preconditioned to alcoholism. That is not God's fault, that is your ancestors not disciplining themselves inflicted upon next generations a genetic disposition to addiction; not you play a part to by making a choice, but oh lets pass the buck to God and say, "why God?!"And it is movies like I Still Believe that help perpetuate this mentality, that God is behind it all, and so we just should let go and let it happen. What?! We have free will too, we are partners with God, not his slaves!
I recommend I Still Believe if you can glean the nuggets I mentioned and that it does say suffering is a normal part of Christian lives. However, I still have problems with Malissa's cheery "I am star burning out and so I burn more brightly! Yay Death!" I mean when Rohirrim shout "Death!" in Return of the King Film, and charge the enemy, its inspiring because they are fighting for allies and risking their lives, but the "Yay! I am dying!" cuz God wills it! Ugh. Anyways, a lot of Evangelical-Charismatic Christianity in America bothers me, it reminds me of parable of man during a flood, "a warning on TV tells him to leave, he says his faith in God will save him, then during flood when he is on roof a man in boat says hop in and he says my faith in God will save me, and then helicopter flying over with man reaching out says get in and man says his faith will save him, and he drowns and goes to heaven and says to God angrily, why did you not save me? God then says, I sent a warning, a boat, and helicopter to save you.." That is what delusional "faith movement" and "name it and claim it" "power of positive thinking" crap does to people, they turn faith into the Force, when it is trust in the Lord, and that does not mean why you are trusting God you forgo doing rational things! As my relative use to tell me, "God have you a brain! Use it!" Sure I believe in miracles and God doing wonders, I am a Biblical Literalist and Continuationalist (believes 1 Corinthians 12:7-11 Gifts are for today), but I also believe God gave us a Bible, Reason, and intelligence to use. We are not suppose to wander around like stupid Sheep saying, "God wills it" or "God tell me what to do," all the time. Seek the Lord and use your brain! Amen.
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