For a long time my favorite holiday was Christmas. The concept of receiving presents and the pleasant lights made it for me the "most wonderful time of year." In time that evolved into less presents to the presence of Christ and celebration of His First Coming. For a time Holy Week, better known as Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday which tragically is called Easter became the replacement for Christmas in my heart. Jesus' Passion on the cross and His Resurrection from the dead, which are the two pillars of Christianity itself, filled me with a resolve to better represent the Savior and to appreciate His wonderful Sacrifice. While both Christmas and Holy Week should be cherished as Feasts of the Lord, there is one holiday that is often overlooked and has been so jaded by clichés and often taunted by the religious as a day of lust and fleshy desires. The holiday, Valentine's Day is celebration of love. It is festival that commerates for Catholics a man name Valentinus who in Roman Empire married lovers when it was illegal for anyone to marry due to a ban or interdict by Roman Cesar. Valentinius was imprisoned for his illegal preservation of holy matrimony and was executed, becoming in canons of Catholic Church, St. Valentine. The holiday we now celebrate is suppose to honor him and his work. But I believe Valentine's Day has a greater message that need not be so austere and Catholic.
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The human heart craves and resists love. This four letter word has transformed the world for every century of this planet. It was because of love Jesus Christ died for our sins, "For God so loved the world, he sent His Only Begotten Son, and who so ever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life." (John 3:16). We are told by the Apostle John that love itself comes from God and is so part of His nature, that he is called love, "God is love." (1 John 4:8). It is this four letter word that drives two people, a man and woman to feel a firey passion for one another, wanting to consummate it because God commanded such passion (Genesis 1:28). Sex, the three letter word that is hated in some churches or treated with frivolity in some circles, is in fact a glorious act of passion and love, it isn't meant to be dirty, it forms a bond between two individuals, the craving for touch and cloessness, and reveal oneself in utter nakedness as well as reveling and delighting in the body and soul of your lover is the stuff of the Song of Soloman, "Your breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies," (Song of Solomon 4:5), "His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me," (Song of Solomon 2:6), "Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels," (Song of Songs 1:10), "My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts," (Song of Songs 1:13), "I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers. Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment," (Song of Solomon 8:10), "How handsome you are, my beloved! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant," (Song of Solomon 1:16), "How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves," (Song of songs 1:15), "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires," (Song of songs 3:5), "And your mouth like the best wine. May the wine go straight to my beloved, flowing gently over lips and teeth," (Song of Songs 7:9), "I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk. Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love," (Song of Solomon 5:1), "Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame," (Song of Solomon 8:6), "I slept but my heart was awake. Listen! My beloved is knocking: "Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night, "(Song of Solomon 5:2), "His arms are rods of gold set with topaz. His body is like polished ivory decorated with lapis lazuli," (Song of Solomon 5:14), and, "Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue. The fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon." (Song of Solomon 4:11). Indeed, the often controversial book of Soloman was left in Bible not by chance, but to remind us that passion, sexual passion and desire to touch and be intimate with our soul mate is not sinister, but divine and in the context of marriage is a beacon to a world fastly growing cold. Today's sexual perversions and pornographic diversions are not love, they are shadows and broken glass of true sexuality. For the desire to touch and embrace with passionate kisses, and delight in each other's bodies and souls is commanded in Scripture, "May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth." (Proverbs 5:18), "But if they cannot control themselves, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion," (1 Corinthians 7:9), and "In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.." (Ephesians 5:28). Now certainly love is not just eros, or Dode, that is physical or carnal love, it is spiritual (Ahava, Agape) and it is interconnected between God and the two lovers.
Love is a force of God, it draws two souls and bodies and spirits together in passion, romance, esctacy, intimacy, purpose, devotion, and bond, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh." (Mark 10:7-8). We must remember it was destined from beginning, God saw Adam was lonely, despite living in paradise and being in charge of all creation, "The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:18). Eve was created to give Adam a help mate, but this is not just in the sense of duties, hardships, and tasks, but to help Adam mate, be intimate, and share such an intimate closeness in sex and pre-sex; where two souls share each other's life force, with each kiss and glance, the two become one (Mark 10:8). Sex today has been packaged as this rushed, get my fix and release, and shock and awe people with wild images, but sex is suppose to be pleasure, passion, and point in which two people relish in one another, give themselves away letting all their walls come down, and in addition to sharing pleasure and touch, they know each other as no one else can save God, this is why in olden days sex was called, "know," "Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, “I have gotten a man with the help of the LORD." (Genesis 4:1). We are suppose to know our mate, not just about them, but let our hearts and souls as well as bodies come together in intercourse, which is great play on words, for it means for two courses, two lives, to come together as one, hence why in America we call two roads coming together is called an intersection. This intercourse is not simply meant to be a pleasure release, a fast heroine induced feeling of euphoria alone, that is part of it, but one can achieve that alone, real intercourse is to delight in the other person's body and soul, to open up to each other, to touch, to talk, to feel each both physically and spiritually; to see beyond each others masks as you make one another happy with tender touch and sexual connection. This is why so many today fail, their sex has devolved into kilo of drug to give the one person alone their instant fix, it has become pleasure oriented alone, when it is pleasure and powerful bond and connection process. Sex today like love is growing cold, because it has becom lawless, "Because lawlessness will increase, the love of many will grow cold." (Matthew 24:12). The need for fast gratification, the need to instantly get a fix of pleasure sexually, than spend the time delighting as Soloman did in His wife in Song of Songs, has lead to a sexuality which is dwarfed and devoid of its deepest pleasure: being known. It point of fact real sex as it was intended not only gives the two people greater pleasure and ecstasy, but causes them a great joy beyond the physical, biological, and chemical release in sexual and mental organs. But Hollywood and many other outlets deceive people into thinkin cohabitating, multiple partners, and sexual dissidence (homosexuality, bisexuality) will make them happy, when Man and Woman are suppose to share this bond, pleasure, and passion among themselves alone, because that bond grows and become more powerful as they share intercourse and themselves, they begin to know one another more and more, while those seeking sexual conquests like Casanova will never know what it is like to be Known deeply and without walls, perhaps that is why they won't settle down and marry, they fear being known, found out, their mate and spouse seeing through their well crafted wall of insecurity, pain, and self protection.
Love is a precious thing, and its death is happening. Firstly, as aforementioned, love comes from God (1 John 4:8) and since God Himself says it will grow cold (Matthew 24:12) and that people will turn against Him and Gospel (Matthew 24:10, 1 Timothy 4:1) that means the vertical piece of the love cross collapse in society and culture. Since the source of love, God, who even gave man a woman, and wants man and woman to love each other, He invented romance, He made it possible for lovers to exist by creating the first two, Adam and Eve; since God and love for Him is being removed by this world and in hearts of many, that means love will grow cold towards people, even in marriages and between lovers, and as we have seen with warping of sexuality, people have partners for pleasure alone, rather than to share passion and personally know each other in the pleasure; i.e. people are exchanging pleasure and personal closeness between souls for only pleasure which makes sex only half of what it is, which in turns makes it unsustainable and become boring, which in turn means more exotic and bizarre forms fo sexuality are needed, and like pattern of any drug it must become larger doses and more exteeme until it destroys the users and the pleasure is completely gone. In contrast, sex and love in a marriage grows, the two become more passionate, virile and excited with sharing themselves with each other, and then the importance of honoring one another, loving each other as Christ did us becomes so important to keep that bond from busting from the outside, because if you love sharing and connecting and sharing pleasure in your marriage via intercourse and what precedes it, you must honor the relationship outside that event and experience; i.e. you can't love making love to your wife and then mistreat her verbally and not care for her the rest of the time, that is not love and then sex did not perform its chief function besides child bearing, to make you so close that you care if you hurt her and she cares if she hurts you.
This subject makes many saints uneasy. They fear being associated with something that has become so warped by the world around us and so trying to side step the pitfalls, they have thrown out sex and passion altogether, saying as they often did in bygone days of America, "its only for child bearing." There was a once (he isn't now) great writer who made a remark most profound, he said, "There are two sexualities today, both are wrong, one is beastly, where people are taught in school they are animals and to have sex like you need to eat, this removes the truth that sex is spiritual and is why so many girls are heart broken, suicidal, and hurt after a break up, the second is equally dangerous, called angelic sexuality, this puritan style of sex sees sex as bad and wicked, only to be used to have children and that pleasure in it is wrong. There was a man who had two parents as child who were angelic in their view of sex, their strictness and hatred of it helped this young man decide to become the polar opposite, he drifted into animalistic sexuality, he is now known as Hue Hefner, the creator of Playboy magazine. Animalistic sexuality is wrong because sex is spiritual, angelic sexuality is wrong because sex is physical and meant to be pleasurable. The answer lies somewhere in middle." I would add the middle is Biblical sexuality, see the Song of Songs and how couples in Bible were passionately in love with each other. Jacob himself worked many years to get his precious Rachael.
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| Romeo and Juliet |
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| Queen Guinevere and Sir Lancelot |
The reason why the Beatles' songs like "All You Need is Love" so resonated with a generation and even hold sway today is that love is part of our nature. God made us to love, For He is love (1 John 4:8) and we are made in His image (Genesis 1:27) which means we are full of love and the need to be loved. If was Adam's need for love, that God made Eve and the two could share their love with each other and their love for God. Love is not a dirty word, but four letter word that has such power it can move mountains! In fact, there are Four Gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, and there are four letters to love, concidence? I think not. For the crux of the Gospel is God so loved us, and while we were yet sinners Christ died for our sins. Love is spiritual because God is Spirit (John 4:24), and He is love (1 John 4:8), but it is also physical because He made us (Colossians 1:10, John 1:1) who have physical bodies, He formed us in dust (Genesis 2:7) but also God became physical and took on a body (John 1:1-15, 1 John 4:2, Luke 2:1-10). Love is powerful because it is instinically connected to God who is its author and sustainer. I believe unbelievers taste it because like "be fruitful and multiply, and subdue the earth," (Genesis 1:28) applies to all humans, love is programmed in us because God who is love (1 John 4:8) created all people and things (John 1:3, Colossians 1:16-17, Psalm 139:13, Jeremiah 1:5), the problem is an unbeliever will never know love fully, because they don't know the author, creator, and source of love, Jesus Christ (1 John 4:8) and they won't be able to sustain love for eternity unless they believe in Jesus Christ as their Lord and God, and Savior who died for their sins and rose from dead. How can unbeliever even know full love when they reject the God who is love and who created love between man and woman? Unbeleivers know only half of love, and it fastly collapse, but us Christians know the fullness of love in Christ and with each other, for Jesus made it clear Love is like the cross, one beam up to God and one across, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and strength, and love your nieghor as yourself." (Luke 10:27).
The Apostle Paul emphasized love as the most important thing, "And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love; but the greatest of these is love," (1 Corinthians 13:13), and "If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love [for others growing out of God’s love for me], then I have become only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal [just an annoying distraction]. And if I have the gift of prophecy [and speak a new message from God to the people], and understand all mysteries, and [possess] all knowledge; and if I have all [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but do not have love [reaching out to others], I am nothing.
If I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it does me no good at all." (1 Corinthians 13:1-3). Why does Paul emphasis love? Because God is love (1 John 4:8) and made all loving beings like us humans and animals like dogs and cats that can love too! So love comes from God and so it is important we maintain love which rejoices in Truth, "Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening]. Love never fails [it never fades nor ends]. But as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for the gift of special knowledge, it will pass away." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
Love is so part of who God is, that everything He made is in pairs. Nothing in all creation is distant, animals have mates and herds, mountains have clusters, trees have forests, and more. How could we ever conceive that God is a distant God when everything He made is close knit and in numbers?! Even God Himself is a Trinity, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and so love spreads amongst the Godhead (Colossians 2:9) just as it does in Creation! Our Lord is not distant, for nothing He made is distant, and if it all comes from Him (John 1:3, Colossians 1:16) and isn't distant and is in pairs, why would God want to be distant and have us despair?! That's exactly it! God isn't distant, but close to all creation!
The Problem of Celibacy: Is it For Everyone?
Now there is circumstances where some believers will not marry, "The 144,000. These are those who did not defile themselves with women, for they remained virgins. They follow the Lamb wherever he goes. They were purchased from among mankind and offered as first fruits to God and the Lamb." (Revelation 14:4, these are Messianic Jews or Christian Jews see more on 144,000). And there are many who are called to celibacy (never marrying or having sexual relations). Celibacy is a gift, but we must be careful of imposing it, "Now I tell you that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman, commits adultery. The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry. Not everyone can accept this statement," Jesus said. "Only those whom God helps. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others--and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it/Let anyone accept this who can." (Matthew 18:9-12). Jesus Christ does not impose celibacy, He makes the point that "not all can accept this," and "Let anyone who can accept this." Our Lord and Savior is not making a law or sacrament out of celibacy, but is acknowledging that some will choose to be abstinate and never have a wife or sexual relations for sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. The Apostle Paul agrees with Christ, but also shares same reservations about imposing it, "Now to the unmarried and widows I say this: It is good for them to remain unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:8-9). Paul understands that the life of missionary and the threat of being imprisoned, tortured, and even killed could tax a marriage, especially if the wife does not travel with her husband the missionary. In case of the Apostle Peter (Simon, Cephas) it was the opposite, he and his wife traveled together in ministry, "Don't we have the right to take a believing wife along with us, as do the other apostles and the Lord's brothers and Cephas?" (1 Corinthians 9:5). Interesting, Catholic painters and clergy have made us believe Peter and most of the apostles were celibate and never married, but the Apostle Paul affirms that Peter, the brothers of Jesus who are James and Jude, and the other apostles! The Apostle Paul attacks what has become Roman Catholic Sacrament known as the Vow of Chastity, "Now the Spirit expressly states that in later times some will abandon the faith to follow deceitful spirits and the teachings of demons. influenced by the hypocrisy of liars, whose consciences are seared with a hot iron. They will prohibit marriage and require abstinence from certain foods that God has created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth. because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer." (1 Timothy 4:1-5). The point is celibacy is approved by Jesus and the Apostles, but it is not a commandment of God, but rather a specific calling for certain individuals.
Some Advice for Married Couples
It is important that Married couples share their marriage bed and consummate their love throughout their lives together. The only exceptions for abstaining is if one of spouses is abusive (physically, verbally, and etc) and in case of adultery, because if wife or husband who cheats lies with their spouses they potentially infect their spouse with sexual transmitted diseases and spiritual demons of disrespect and sexual immortality, and the soul of the mistress or man. Otherwise, outside those reasons, a husband and wife should have sex, "Now for the matters you wrote about: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty (conjugal rights) to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command." (1 Corinthians 7:1-6). In order for the marriage to work as the Apostle has laid out here, spouses must obey the following, "For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (Ephesians 5:22-33). The Apostle Paul makes it clear that respect must be maintained between spouses, wives submit to their husbands, but not deadbeat, drunk, depraved, and delirious husbands, no, rather husbands who love their wives with the intensity of Christ, willing to die for her and laying their lives down for her, and loving their wife as they love themselves. Take heed ladies, if a man does not even love his body or self, that is a sign to run!
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